I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
