I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
