if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
