dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
