Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
