laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
