I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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