Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
