So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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