I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
