I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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