I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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