Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
