May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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