Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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