I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
