And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
