im holly from the hills drunk
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
