so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
