There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
