you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
