Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
