but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
