but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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