This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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