New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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