so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Come see our sink grown plant.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
