i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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