We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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