You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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