hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
