if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
