She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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