I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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