So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We left the knife in your bed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
