I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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