woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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