nut hugger
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
