seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
