I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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