we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
