We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
