I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
