You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
