when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
