Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He passed out mid-signature
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You are the jesus of drinking
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
