Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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