I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
