I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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