yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
