hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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