Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
