but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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