I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
