I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
